I always knew in the back of my mind that I wanted to work for myself. I felt like I have great ideas, and I know how to execute. I believed that I could be more productive and successful doing it my own way. But the money…….I had to make money and fast.
Shortly after resigning from the company I was working for, and not having a steady stream of income, the bill collectors started calling everyday. Again, we didn’t have a plan for me being a business in that instance. My husband decided that he would get a part-time job while I figured it all out. However, the guilt of not bringing anything to the table financially created a huge amount of guilt, and stress for me. It affected the relationships, and the quality of time that I spent with my family. It may not have shown on my face, but it influenced every part of my life.
I would cry in the shower so no one would see. I did this everyday. Some days I was anxious to get into the shower, just so I could cry. What was I doing to my family? Was I being so selfish just to say, “I am my own boss”? Finally, I decided that I would just find a job. I was going to be like a lot of people in this area and work for the government.
The major industry in the Washington Metropolitan area is Government. Federal employee jobs are great, and come with awesome benefits. Being able to telework a few days a week, and being off every other Friday sounded great to me. It would provide the work-life balance that I was after. However, when I brought this idea to my husband, he thought I was taking the punk way out. He actually said to me “Babe that is such a sucker move. We’re not suckers. You’re not an employee. I’m an employee. You’re not.” He wanted me to just sit and figure out my business, but I couldn’t even think straight. So, instead of me having to go and find a job, and lose focus of what I wanted to do, he created a business out of one of his hobbies, instead of taking on a partime job.
In the meantime, I went against my gut, and my husband’s advice, and I tried to find a job. I looked everyday for a year and a half. What a waste of time! In a year I got called for one interview where 685 people applied for this one particular job. Out of the 685 applicants, 9 people, including myself, got called in for a face-to-face panel interview. The job started out at $120K, which was right up my alley. I prayed and prayed that I get this job. I went in and killed it in the interview! I felt really great when I left. I got an email a week later and found out that I came in second and the person that got hired beat me by 3 points. WTH??? I cried for 3 days straight, but that was exactly what I needed. I needed that sign from God to show me that no job was going to call me. I had to make my own way. At least my husband was happy.
So, ok, bring it on. I had to create my own lane, block out the noise and move forward with my business. I put the guilt away. I stop answering emails from recruiters. I took my very impressive resume off of the job sites. I unsubscribed from notifications for positions in my field. I was now starting to focus on my business, but in a real way. It was time to start swimming.